The question that was always on my mind, a perpetual puzzle when I was little. As a child, I was precocious, repeatedly asking the same question over and over again until I was satisfied with the answer.
Suffice it to say, I never got an answer (to this question) which I could readily accept.
Muslims go to Heaven or Hell after they pass on, religious teachers, my parents would tell me. You mean every Muslim? I asked. Yes, they said, every Muslim, no matter what eventually goes to Heaven, even those who do time in Hell. You mean like prison? I asked again. In a way, yes, they said. The end goal of a Muslim is paradise and Heaven and to escape purgatory and damnation.
I grew to fear Syaitan, and of the evil things I was supposed to steer clear of to avoid ending up in the same place as God’s fallen angel. But as my seven-year-old brain tried to wrap itself around the logic behind a person’s entry to the two destinations of the afterlife, I couldn’t help but wonder: what about my friend Johnny Bok? Or Arun Seeralan? Or Krishan Palaniappan? Would I see get to see them in the afterlife? They were after all my best friends (Johnny used to help me with maths because I hated the subject.)
In hushed voices, the Ustaz and Ustazah in my primary school would tell me that Johnny, Arun and Krishnan (who used to protect me from being bullied by Farhan and Firdaus — they wanted my pocket money) would all eventually go to Hell. Hell. Eternal damnation.
The seven-year-old me could not comprehend what he was being told, so I did the only thing I knew best: ask and ask and ask. Why should they be dealt that fate? What did they do wrong? They were good people, and trustworthy friends.
And then these questions, they carried on till secondary school and after that university till this very moment. Nothing has changed. What about Mahatma Gandhi? Martin Luther King? Michael Jackson? Do they all end up in Hell? But why them, and not Osama Bin Laden, or any other person?
The answer is because they are not Muslims. No matter what good deeds they do, no matter what their actions, at the end of the day they will be judged. All of us will be judged. For our creed, our race, our religion. Muslims go to Heaven, the others... well, there’s the door. Don’t let it hit your ass on your way out.
That’s what I grew up with, in a middle-class family, surrounded by friends who did not share my faith. And till today, I cannot fathom the logic behind what I have learnt growing up. It’s okay to be friends with the non-Muslims, but any closer than that, you’re a goner. Don’t trust them completely. They eat pork. Be careful when you are using their dishes. They don’t understand us.
I know I might come off as sounding slightly neurotic, but the reality is that this is happening to us. Here. In this country. Where under the Federal Constitution everyone is guaranteed equal rights but we must remember the special position of the Malays and Muslims.
I am sure many Malaysians, including non-Muslims, can appreciate the context of our highest laws. But what we fail to grasp is that there is an inherent crisis within our “multiracial” and “understanding” society.
It’s fun to laugh and make fun of Perkasa, Hindraf or some NGO or another. Racist, ultra-Malay, we, middle-class Malaysians, laugh it off, thinking it’s no serious matter.
But why do we (Muslims) always find ourselves in a position of being under siege? Why is it US versus THEM? Why is there a fear of them usurping our rights and leading us astray from the path of being a Muslim?
That’s the biggest problem, of which no one has yet addressed. I see it every day, I talk to people, get their quotes, write a story, 10 paras, WHAM! A provocative headline and everyone goes insane condemning some poor fool’s remarks.
The scary thing is when push comes to shove, how many of you out there are really different from those people who make those remarks?
Everything has always been about “tolerating” the other person, the other race. Why? Since when does society’s understanding and acceptance of racial lines need to be guarded by the government? No answer.
Let me tell you. Because it is the fear of “the other.” The fear of racial integration. The understanding that somehow as a Muslim you are brought up to guard your faith from many forms of evils and, sadly like it or not, the evil includes Johnny, Arun and Krishnan.
That’s the problem with our society. You know why racial understanding or even integration is so hard to comprehend? It’s because we’ve been conditioned to think this way, to accept distrust, doubt and fears as necessary tools to govern our lives, as part of the informal laws that set the tone and barriers to our relationships.
The same reason why a person would conceal a steady three-year relationship with his significant other from his family. Because they can’t see past what the other person is — the religion.
Conversion to Islam is hard enough as it is, or understanding any other faith for that matter but if you want others to understand you or believe in what you are preaching, the only way is to lose the distrust. Lose the hate. If you see past his or her race and faith, you might see a decent person. Is that so hard?
Because after you peel away the race, religion, you’re just as good or as bad as the person you’re pointing fingers at.
Don’t write off a person just because you can’t see eye to eye with what he or she believes in. Don’t just “tolerate” someone. Make the effort to understand. And talk it out. Thrash it out. Because I’m sick of seeing everything laid out along racial, religious lines every day and also to find out that I’m in the thick of it.
We all are. We’re in it together. I don’t know who goes to Heaven or Hell, but that’s up to God to decide. I just want to survive the here, now and tomorrow.
Or maybe I’m just a nutcase like the rest of the people who read The Malaysian Insider because I’m going balmy thinking about this every single day. You be the judge.
* Soularone writes things. About news. About people, but mostly politicians with kick-ass quotes. And he reads The Malaysian Insider.
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