Tan Sri: So, Datuk, are things working according to plan?
Datuk: Yes, Tan Sri, everything is perfect. We got the Federal Territory Mufti to issue his fatwah.
Tan Sri: Good, and how was it?
Datuk: He made it very clear that it is obligatory for all Muslims to support the government. If you oppose the government then you are kafir and you will burn in hell for eternity.
Tan Sri: He said it exactly like that?
Datuk: Not exactly like that lah, Tan Sri. He has to twist and turn a bit to confuse the Muslims.
Tan Sri: I see, like what most of these people do best anyway.
Datuk: The mufti said that from their understanding of the Quran and Sunnah, ulamas agree, etc., etc. etc. But he did not quote any verses from the Quran or any of the so-called Hadith. He also never mentioned by name which ulamas are of this opinion. So he very cleverly left it vague, which is therefore quite safe because no one can contradict him.
Tan Sri: But won’t the Muslims ask for clarification since it is very vague?
Datuk: No lah, Tan Sri. When we were children, remember, we were never allowed to question the ustaz or ask for clarification? Whenever we ask any questions the ustaz would whack us and tell us that only those influenced by the devil will was-was.
Tan Sri: Very true. Yes, it is easy to fool Muslims because they will swallow whatever these so-called religious people say, hook, line and sinker. So far no one has contradicted the mufti with their own fatwah? Not even Nik Aziz or Dr Asri?
Datuk: No. It’s already more than 24 hours and no one has rebutted the mufti. So I don’t think we will face any problems. We can now circulate this fatwah in all the kampongs.
Tan Sri: I am surprised that Muslims can swallow this fatwah without question. If they just used their brains they will know that all the Prophets — Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad — opposed the government. If what the mufti said is true then Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad will also become kafir.
Datuk: Exactly. But then our education system has been able to reduce Muslims to a race that never questions religious people. So, as long as it comes from religious people, no one asks any questions — although sometimes these religious people bullshit just like politicians.
Tan Sri: Don’t we all know that. And what about the other matters?
Datuk: BERSIH has applied to use Stadium Merdeka but we rejected their application. We gave them a very vague excuse that some renovation work needs to be done on the stadium.
Tan Sri: But I thought that same night they were supposed to have a rock concert.
Datuk: That has been postponed to 1st October.
Tan Sri: I see, so the stadium is really closed then?
Datuk: Not quite. We are considering allowing PERKASA to use the stadium instead.
Tan Sri: On the 9th?
Datuk: Yes. Same time and date as BERSIH.
Tan Sri: But how will we explain rejecting BERSIH but approving PERKASA?
Datuk: We will say that PERKASA applied first.
Tan Sri: But we said we rejected BERSIH because of the renovation work.
Datuk: We will say that the renovation work is now delayed because the budget has not been approved yet.
Tan Sri: This sounds like we are twisting and turning.
Datuk: We ARE twisting and turning, Tan Sri.
Tan Sri: Can the people buy this?
Datuk: Well, we used this same excuse when Tunku Abdul Rahman and Hussein Onn applied to form Umno Malaysia. We rejected Umno Malaysia’s application on grounds that Umno Baru applied to use the Umno name first even though Umno Baru submitted their application three days after Umno Malaysia.
Tan Sri: Yes, I remember that one. So everything is going smooth according to plan then?
Datuk: Not quite, Tan Sri. PERKASA requested an audience with His Majesty the Agong but Istana Negara declined the request.
Tan Sri: Oh, how are we going to explain that?
Datuk: We will think of a good spin. Not sure what we are going to say yet though.
Tan Sri: Hmm…that’s embarrassing.
Datuk: Never mind. We can always refocus attention on different issues.
Tan Sri: Like what?
Datuk: Well, the police have announced that BERSIH is still an illegal organisation even though His Majesty consented to the audience. That means we can still arrest those behind BERSIH. Then the police announced that anyone wearing BERSIH T-shirts would still be arrested. Then the police announced that BERSIH still needs to apply for a police permit even though the assembly in the stadium is the Prime Minister’s idea. The people will all argue about this and will forget that His Majesty refused to meet PERKASA.
Tan Sri: Have they applied for the police permit yet?
Datuk: Not sure but even if they have we can still reject the application because they need to apply for a permit 14 days before the event and 9th July is only three days away. That is the rule, 14 days.
Tan Sri: But what about PERKASA’s application? How can we approve theirs if we reject BERSIH’s?
Datuk: We can backdate it and say that they applied for the police permit more than 14 days ago.
Tan Sri: Good plan. Okay, and do you think all this is working in our favour?
Datuk: I think so, Tan Sri. People will be so angry because of all these twists, turns and bullshit that BN is going to get whacked in the next election.
Tan Sri: Good, very good. We need to create as much problems as we can so that BN performs very badly just like Pak Lah did in March 2008. Then Muhyiddin and Mukhriz can push for Najib’s resignation just like Najib pushed Pak Lah out after the last GE.
Datuk: I think that is more or less assured, Tan Sri. Najib is looking more and more stupid on this BERSIH blunder. The Umno people are really pissed. We told Muhyiddin and Mukhriz to stay very silent and not make any comments. Let Najib and the police do all the talking.
Tan Sri: Yes, I have noticed how quiet Muhyiddin and Mukhriz have been. Khairy did open his mouth though.
Datuk: Yes, he said he is prepared to work with BERSIH. Umno Youth will whack him hard on this…you see.
Tan Sri: Okay, I need to brief Tun on all these developments. Keep me updated on anything new.
Datuk: Will do, Tan Sri. And please send Tun my salam and tell him we are with him all the way.
Tan Sri: I think Tun is going to be very pleased. His son should be the DPM very soon once Muhyiddin becomes PM.
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